So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
