I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
