Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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