she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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