420 ftw
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
