I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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