What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
