he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
