I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
