I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
