When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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