we're blogging at a bar
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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