Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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