I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
