filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
