Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
