Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Two words: blizzard sex
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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