I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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