Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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