I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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