Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize