So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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