I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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