My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
