If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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