Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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