I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
