That's when you crack a 10am beer
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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