so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
