i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
