Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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