well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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