Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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