do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
