Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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