I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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