Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
