my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
ttyl tear gas
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize