His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
