hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
