She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
