wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize