I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
