I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So apparently I’m into choking now
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
