There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
