No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
