We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
