You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
