Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
