im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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