Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
