I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
