Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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