I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Randomize