i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
