Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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