So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
