Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Randomize
