we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
