Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
