And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
