Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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