I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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