Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
